Monday, September 26, 2011

Bare Popcorn

"Hey, do we have any butter here?"
"We have 'I can't believe its not--"
"That's not butter."

Scripture Power

Taylor and I have mixed feelings about our ward. I mean, we go regardless of what happens, but let's just give you a little taste..

The very first thing we noticed was how awkwardly the congregation fills the chapel. With a few exceptions, the pews are bare. Everyone sits in a chair in the overflow.


Our first week we went ahead and sat up in a pew.


We now find our way to the back each time and snuggle up in a cozy padded chair.

The second thing we started to notice was how alone we were in the young, hot, newlywed demographic.

I think the person next closest to my age (not counting Taylor) is one of the three deacons that pass the sacrament.

It's cool, I'm actually a big fan of integration.

The third thing we noticed was how nonchalantly the invisible wall of A/C sinks in your skin and penetrates your bones.

Here's my typical outfit to church:

My last facebook status update had something to do with fellowshipping the snowmen so we could warm up together in the snow outside.

Maybe I'm wrong, but don't old people hate being cold? Isn't that why nursing homes are always so nice and toasty?

Taylor and I were JOKING about witholding our tithing and posting up a sign on the bulliten board that said,

"We no longer wish to fund the efforts taken to freeze the meetinghouse. We will be withholding our tithing and bringing blankets and space heaters. 
Signed- Tab and Taylor. 

PS: But while we're thinking about it, can we store our milk and eggs here? We're running out of space in our fridge."

I'm hoping I can learn something about gratitude through all this. The people in our ward truly are the sweetest ever. They always say hey and smile and make it all worthwhile.

You should come to church with us!

We'd love to have ya,
Just make sure you bring a coloring book and an electric blanket. 

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I probably deserved this one.

I don't remember the last time I cleaned Franco's fishbowl...

So today I decided to man up and take care of it.

I have a very organized method of cleaning it. I take out the plant, scrub it with my fingers in warm water, then slowly pour his icky water into separate cups until he finally jumps out. 

I dump the sea glass rocks into a colander and rinse them until they're algae-free and shiny again.

Everything went as planned except that last part..

The water BLASTED out of the sink causing a dozen or so chunks of sea glass to swish up out of the colander and down into the disposal.

Yeah. You know where this is going. Go ahead, groan.

I got to put this here hand... into this here garbage disposal...

and pull out these here fishrocks...
one by one.

Dearest James Franco, 

I hope you know I had to wash my filthy mold-scented hand with a full pump of handsoap instead of the economic half.

I'm also currently wading it up to my elbow in a bowl of two parts rubbing alcohol to one part acid as I type this.

Wipe that smug grin off your face.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Some Postman

 Today I went to the mailbox for the first time this week. I feel like friday is the best day to get the mail, and here's why:

This is all the mail we had. Actually.. With the exception of a bill and a paycheck, everything here is for Grandpa.

He took a look at everything and determined it was all companies who want his money.

I picked up a piece of mail and said, "I don't think these guys want your money"
"Oh yes, they do, its comcast, they want me to switch back, this has happened before"
"But Grandpa, this one is hand-written.. from a Russel..uh, Fuller? Its from Bountiful, Utah.."
"They want my money. If you don't believe me, go ahead- open it."

I opened it.

"Dear Brother Park and David Park, Thank you so much for the beautiful photo of the draper temple. I really-"
"That's from President Tueller! He's the Draper temple president! How nice of him!!"

"Hm. How nice."

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


"the only hat that doesn't look terrible on me is a fedora."
Fedoras look terrible on everyone.
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