Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Jordan just came over to watch a western with Grandpa.

She and I were chatting before he came out of the restroom, mostly just about clients that don't pay you and continue to demand work from you and contracts and fun stuff like that.

I was preparing to make a box of Pasta Roni for Taylor and I when grandpa came out.

"We have... Jordan Nicole... and.. Tamara Whatever!"

Oh yes. He went there.

"I, uh, I don't know your middle name Tamatha.."

Jordan: "It's Tabitha Jane, Grandpa"

"Oh, Tabitha Jane."


They're in watching their movie now, and it sounds like they're having a good time.
I was in the kitchen when grandpa asked her if she'd like a drink...

"Yeah, some water sounds great!"

"Would you like some punch? I have some punch."

"No, I'll just have water, thanks though!"

"Its Crystal Light, its real good."

"Water is good."

Taylor and I are going to the temple soon. I'm pretty excited, it's so peaceful there :)



I made this today. A friend posted this quote on FB and I wanted to hang it up in my office at work... but it wasn't very cute...

fixed it.

I forgot to mention the lunchable travesty.

Once upon a time, Grandpa's daughter Leslie took him to the grocery store to buy lunchables.

This was an awesome idea because he can just take them to the temple with him without having to prepare anything!

He told us there were several, but we didn't see any in the fridge.. until the next day.

Well, two nights ago we discovered a sub sandwich lunchable in the drawer with the dried fruit. We calmly explained that cheese and turkey goes bad if you don't put it in the fridge, and he proceeded to tell us that we could just eat it instead. (we ate the cookies)

Last night, upon pulling the entire drawer out we discovered three more in the back. We tossed 'em. :/

Should we buy him more? What do we say to him?

Taylor and I agreed that getting old would be hard.

Let's get lost

This morning I made taylor a tuna sandwich. I also cut up an apple for him and put some spicy triscuits with it. He had toast and yogurt for breakfast. We like to think we eat pretty healthfully.

We went out the door to drop him off at trax, and despite the possibility of arriving on time, the dumb arrow at 7720 screwed us over again. He was running toward the train, and it took off without him. (the whole scenario seemed to happen in slow motion) (almost as good as the time he made the train but had to get off cause as he jumped out of the car he dropped his tie on the street)

I drove him downtown and we listened to X96. It's actually the best time to listen because they do "Boner of the Day." Boner means mistake.

Today the second candidate was a cleaning lady at an art museum who scrubbed down a million dollar art piece from Germany because she thought it looked dirty. Makes my stomach lurch just thinking about it.

I just got home and I looked around the kitchen for something to have for breakfast. I spotted the carton of eggs in the fridge and decided to make myself some dunky ones since Taylor won't eat them that way.

I saw the egg pan on the stove...

I took it over to the sink to scrub it down and I thought,

"This is not my job."

So I put it back. And decided not to have eggs for breakfast.

I decided I'd look and see if any of the cereals in the swirly cupboard were either A) not stale or B) not from the 90's..

We had a grand total of Wheat Chex, Grape Nuts, and Blueberry Special K. all stale.

I spotted a few
of oatmeal

and identified the BEST BY date on the flap of each box.

Six boxes expired in 2004, one expired in 2002, and the last one expired in 2008.

I almost trusted that last one before I realized that breakfast is for squares.

I registered for Spring Semester at SLCC last night. Kind of excited for that.

I have tons of homework due tomorrow that I just remembered about.

One of my assignments is to do an artist research report on someone non-photographic. Everyone in class is picking Georgia O'Keefe or that dude with the scrubbed down sculpture from Germany.

I'm picking Dr. Seuss.

Did you know that he never actually had any children of his own? He would always say,
"You have 'em, I'll entertain 'em."

Something else, none of his books were ever awarded a Caldecott or Newbury award. One was nominated, but that's it. Despite this fact: his books are still outselling the majority of newly published children's books.

His quote, "A person's a person, no matter how small" in its original context is completely unrelated to abortion issues.

I'm excited for this assignment. :)

I just heard Grandpa scrub the egg pan upstairs...

I think I'll have breakfast.

PS: Here's a halloween photo for the road.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Parent Trap

Today grandpa and I were standing in the kitchen chit-chatting and he was putting the potato chips he didn't eat back into the bag for us to eat later while I was making rolls for dinner.

"Hey Grandpa, What's the glycemic index for potato chips??"

He looked it up and proceeded to inform me that it was only 54. Which means he can pretty much eat as many as he wants. Touche.

"What movie are you watching in there?"

"Oh, uh, The Parent Trap!"

"Oh yeah? The one with Lindsey Lohan?"

"No, its Leslie LouAnn."


"Yeah, I really like those happy endings!"

and that's where the conversation dropped off..

I guess I just didn't have the heart to tell him about Leslie LouAnn's happy ending..

Enjoy your night!!

Monday, October 31, 2011


Today I stood in the kitchen and helped grandpa put away groceries.

"I always leave that place spending a lot more than I plan on!"

"Yep. Harmons has tasty tasty food!"

Taylor and I have sanctioned off a drawer in the fridge and dedicated it solely to our own food. Grandpa still uses this drawer as vegetable storage.

"These potatoes are vegetables... so they go in the vegetable drawer"

"I think potatoes are a starch. A root actually... Not a vegetable."

"Well in High School we were taught that they were vegetables."


He bought this really gorgeous baguette. Taylor and I love baguette. Thing is, Grandpa will never eat it right away. When its at its peak. He waits til its about the consistency of a cinderblock, then puts it in a used ziplock and it gets squishy and tastes like the last molding bread hermit that was in there.

He bought this really gorgeous baguette today... and cast it aside when he remembered he also bought a bread mix.

"Y'know, I bought this bread mix. It makes really great homemade bread"

"Oh wow, we'll have to make that sometime."

"Its really easy and doesn't take long at all. The breadmaker does all the mixing for you!"

"Oh, well I would tonight, but I have so much work to do, I have to edit all the photos for a wedding a shot"

"Well it takes no time at all.. You mix warm water... and butter or margarine or oil... and you put in some yeast... Oh boy, I didn't know about the yeast. I'm sure we have some around here somewhere... but you put all the ingredients in.. with the warm water and the breadmaker does all the rest!"


"Well I think I'll go ahead and make it then! Warm bread is much better than bread already cooked! :)"

Taylor and I carved a pumpkin last night.
Adorable, I know!

And, as of 5 minutes ago we just got our first trick-or-treaters!!
It was taylor's cousins.
They got here at 8:10.

Grandpa was right when he said no one ever came.

Happy Halloween!!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Bare Popcorn

"Hey, do we have any butter here?"
"We have 'I can't believe its not--"
"That's not butter."

Scripture Power

Taylor and I have mixed feelings about our ward. I mean, we go regardless of what happens, but let's just give you a little taste..

The very first thing we noticed was how awkwardly the congregation fills the chapel. With a few exceptions, the pews are bare. Everyone sits in a chair in the overflow.


Our first week we went ahead and sat up in a pew.


We now find our way to the back each time and snuggle up in a cozy padded chair.

The second thing we started to notice was how alone we were in the young, hot, newlywed demographic.

I think the person next closest to my age (not counting Taylor) is one of the three deacons that pass the sacrament.

It's cool, I'm actually a big fan of integration.

The third thing we noticed was how nonchalantly the invisible wall of A/C sinks in your skin and penetrates your bones.

Here's my typical outfit to church:

My last facebook status update had something to do with fellowshipping the snowmen so we could warm up together in the snow outside.

Maybe I'm wrong, but don't old people hate being cold? Isn't that why nursing homes are always so nice and toasty?

Taylor and I were JOKING about witholding our tithing and posting up a sign on the bulliten board that said,

"We no longer wish to fund the efforts taken to freeze the meetinghouse. We will be withholding our tithing and bringing blankets and space heaters. 
Signed- Tab and Taylor. 

PS: But while we're thinking about it, can we store our milk and eggs here? We're running out of space in our fridge."

I'm hoping I can learn something about gratitude through all this. The people in our ward truly are the sweetest ever. They always say hey and smile and make it all worthwhile.

You should come to church with us!

We'd love to have ya,
Just make sure you bring a coloring book and an electric blanket. 

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I probably deserved this one.

I don't remember the last time I cleaned Franco's fishbowl...

So today I decided to man up and take care of it.

I have a very organized method of cleaning it. I take out the plant, scrub it with my fingers in warm water, then slowly pour his icky water into separate cups until he finally jumps out. 

I dump the sea glass rocks into a colander and rinse them until they're algae-free and shiny again.

Everything went as planned except that last part..

The water BLASTED out of the sink causing a dozen or so chunks of sea glass to swish up out of the colander and down into the disposal.

Yeah. You know where this is going. Go ahead, groan.

I got to put this here hand... into this here garbage disposal...

and pull out these here fishrocks...
one by one.

Dearest James Franco, 

I hope you know I had to wash my filthy mold-scented hand with a full pump of handsoap instead of the economic half.

I'm also currently wading it up to my elbow in a bowl of two parts rubbing alcohol to one part acid as I type this.

Wipe that smug grin off your face.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Some Postman

 Today I went to the mailbox for the first time this week. I feel like friday is the best day to get the mail, and here's why:

This is all the mail we had. Actually.. With the exception of a bill and a paycheck, everything here is for Grandpa.

He took a look at everything and determined it was all companies who want his money.

I picked up a piece of mail and said, "I don't think these guys want your money"
"Oh yes, they do, its comcast, they want me to switch back, this has happened before"
"But Grandpa, this one is hand-written.. from a Russel..uh, Fuller? Its from Bountiful, Utah.."
"They want my money. If you don't believe me, go ahead- open it."

I opened it.

"Dear Brother Park and David Park, Thank you so much for the beautiful photo of the draper temple. I really-"
"That's from President Tueller! He's the Draper temple president! How nice of him!!"

"Hm. How nice."

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


"the only hat that doesn't look terrible on me is a fedora."
Fedoras look terrible on everyone.
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Sunday, May 8, 2011

things are just starting

Lately everytime I sleep I dream.

Long, detailed dreams. Dreams where I climb staircases in St. John the Baptist cathedrals. I shower and accidentally tear chunks of my hair off with a dull razor and watch the narrow shower overfill. Dreams where I drink fruity red punch and do needlework at relief society and hear sounds from a retired violin. Dreams where I dodge people and get harassed by a disgruntled ginger who is stronger than I am. I scream. I punch. I kick.
Dreams where I car-jack a topless red drag racer and add strangers on Facebook.

I remember them all.

"The dreamer is banished to obscurity. Well, I'm trying to change that, and I hope you are too. By dreaming, every day. Dreaming with our hands and dreaming with our minds. Our planet is facing the greatest problems it's ever faced, ever. So whatever you do, don't be bored, this is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive. And things are just starting.."
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Thursday, May 5, 2011


This is my favorite leaf.
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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

an escort to the food bowl

Dear blog-no-one-reads,

I don't want a part time job.
I said it.

I don't want to take portraits.
I said that too.

I don't want to exercise, and stop snacking so I can fit in a wedding dress I don't actually love.

I bought my temple dress today. I absolutely love it. I'm glad Mom and I went to all the other dress stores, so I could appreciate the one I fell in love with at the first store.
If you're getting married in the temple, and you haven't gone temple dress shopping,
take heed of this:

black lacy underwear is great, but its not something you wear to White Elegance.
That's all.

Glee wasn't that good today.
I mean, it was good, but I feel like I spent more time skipping commercials than I did actually watching the show. srsly?

I have to make my bridal shower invitations.
I know its not my job since I'm the bride,
but I want them to look good.

I'm very frustrated with Elegant Wedding Announcements
for taking 8YEARS to make my invitations.

Dear M.,
Are they done yet? Are they done yet? Are they done yet?
Love Tab.

I don't want to call bishop and harrass him about not getting me a job at Zions yet.
I know Clay talked to bishop about it and got a call the next day,
but I am not Clay.
If I was Clay, I'd be going to Australia.

Speaking of Australia, Taylor and I went to IKEA today.
I was actually a lot of fun. We were able to get a pretty good idea of the other's expectations and opinions about kitchens and living rooms and stuff for the future.

I was also pretty excited when he liked a set of dishes that weren't as boring as the back of my hand.
They were white, with a purple pollen-like design on them.
We'll see :)

I wish my cat liked me.
Yep. The gorgeous one I bought at Pet Planet with the spots.
She used to let me carry her around and take her on drives,
now she just growls at me and bites me and eats.

I get to leave her behind in the move anyway.

I'm actually pretty sad to ditch Kairi though. We had a moment on the couch during Glee that was nice.
She's getting old.. :/

I love babysitting.
It's pretty good pay and I have a great time. I don't even mind doing the dishes.

I want to sell prints.
I know, I know, it's a lost cause, no one makes prints anymore.
but I feel like it's not quite as lost as film photography.
I have some friends that are like, "YEaHHA i sO Wanna geT into Film Photyoagraphy!1 woudlh't that be so swee3t???"
and I'm like,

Film is dead.
Do not resusitate.

When the world comes to an end and all the internet towers crash and power goes out and the concept of a digital photograph is obsolete,
then yeah, film photography is whatever,

but how many people will be so stoked they have prints!
prints by Tab, it'll be great!

So that's my story.

I also have a really great idea about a quilt.
I'd talk about it, but I'm really selfish when it comes to my great ideas.
The last thing I need is idea hackers.

Today was good. I don't know why I'm so cranky.
Maybe because this week I have acne.
Thanks, birth control.

We'll get through this.

Anyone know of a company in need of product photography?
Cause I love taking pictures of things.

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Babysitting Festival.

Oh hey,
I'm back.
I just spent the last two days on a cruise ship of responsibility.
I had the unique opportunity to watch six kids, under the age of six.
Lemme tell ya a few things I learned about life.

I don't know if there's any major significant differences between invisible friends and imaginary ones,
or if there's any correlation between thumb-sucking and hard drugs,

but what I do know is this: kids are just adults that are easily subjected to bribing and like to throw things. Especially tantrums.

Cell Phone is to Adults as
Blankie (geekee) is to Children

Watching Pokemon 4 Ever two times in a row doesn't phase them, and eating grass is O.K.

I had the opportunity to get better acquainted with a girl named Elena.
She has a peanut allergy and the most hysterical sense of humor.
My favorite quotes are as follows:

"I have two caterpillars. One turned into a cocoon, and one's dead."
"Ohh!! Darn the cantalope!"
"I have to tell you something thats a secret.... I needa go to the bathroom, but I need help wiping the brown potty-word off my bum..."
When I accepted she said,
"Kay. The code word hello; I'll say hello when I'm done"
Three minutes later,

My second favorite kid was Hailey.
She's petite and sweet and has the daintiest little voice. She pet the cat with me and had the biggest smile. White blonde hair, total cuddler. These are their stories.
Just kidding. But seriously.

"I'm allergic to spiders"

I helped her go to the bathroom and she said,
"I hope I didn't get pee on you." too.

We looked at the baby frogs together and I was pointing them out in the acquarium so she could see. I offered to stick my hand inside to make them jump but she didn't want me to. I walked out of the room to check on the others when I hear her tiny little body emit the sharpest BLOOD-CURDLING scream.
I booked it back in there and I was like, "Hailey! Hailey! What's wrong??" still screaming she says,
"THE FROGS ARE HOPPING AROU-U-U-U-ND!!!" and she's running toward me, grabbing me and bawling, trying to get up in my arms.

Guess she's allergic to those too.

Other times I'd lose her. All the girls were watching Ponyo and she was outta sight.
and I heard a muted:
"...I'm under hereee!"

I knelt on the floor and lifted up the flap of the couch and underneath was little Hailey... petting the cat.

I love little kids.
And I'm way excited to be a mom,
but I think I'll wait for 2014 or so to play that game.

Y'know, let all my friends catch up :P

Today my parents, Max, and Taylor are at the Draper temple doing Xander's temple work finally.
He never got endowed while he was here, and I'm sure he'll be stoked we finally got around to it.

Their session started at seven, and I wasn't invited.
Taylor said he'd make it up to me and take me sometime this June.
I'd say it was a fair trade-off.

What I'm hoping though, is that my parents didn't eat before they left.
Cause if that's the case, chances are they'll pick me up and take us all to Wingers.

I don't wanna sound too hopeful.

Another thing? I really like that Rebecca Black song.
Yeah, it's annoying, and yeah she's a terrible singer,
but everytime I hear the word "FRIDAY" I can't help but smile.
I don't think I'm the only one, either.
I bet if you weed past all the death threats there's quite a few thousand people who just needed a good laugh.
So thanks, Rebecca, thanks.

I decided today that I really love Fox in Socks.
I almost read it without messing up, and it made me wonder why I haven't memorized it yet.
Wouldn't that be great?
Back in Snow's class we had to memorize a poem.
I memorized The Tyger by William something.
Tyger Tyger burning bright,
in the forests of the night,
something something

It was great. but what if I had just gotten up there and Suessed it up??
The vision is great in my head, but it probably would have been really uncomfortable in real life.

I got an e-mail today.
I won free photography from Bryant wedding photography.
full wedding and reception coverage (a $2800 value!!) all free.
I just have to pay $499 for copyrights.

I may or may not have believed them for one second,
but that's all it took before I found myself here

If they think they can take $2800 from anyone, in return for those photos...

I bet they're really nice people.
The thing that shocks me the most is that allegedly they've been in business for twenty-five years.
Really? a quarter of a century of ripping people off and taking crappy photos??
That's rich.

They're probably really nice though.
I just feel bad.. maybe their portfolio is sorely outdated and they're making beautiful prints now...
Its just so sad. Especially the tacky red gradient and standard script font.
I bet they're great people, just uninformed and grossly misrepresented.
That's all.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

getting caught with a gun.

I got pulled over tonight.
You know it. Racing heartbeat, blinding lights, sweaty palms, crossed fingers.
I thought maybe he'd seen the gun, but really he pulled me over cause my headlight is out. I'm glad he didn't see the kilo of crack in the backseat,
Or my knitting.
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Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Pretty sure I'm gonna have this look on my face for like a week.
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Monday, April 25, 2011

danger afoot

I had to know this was coming.

After dodging the maturation program in fifth grade, fleeing from uncomfortable discussions, and sneaking under the radar when it came to physicals, I really haven't had much exposure to.. er.. don't make me say it...

human sexuality.

In less than 12 hours I have an appointment.
With the geologist.
Ha, thanks autocorrect, but no..
The gynecologist.

I'm split between excited and borderline mortified.
I love the attention.. but somehow its not quite the same when its... uh...

It'll feel great to check it off my list :)

Afterwards I have a dress fitting, and then I get to meet with a counselor at SLCC.

SuperCuts is a lot classier than it sounds, and they do a far better job than Fantastic Sam's. I had to even out Taylor's sideburns, but other than that he looked much better.

Can't wait to bleach mine next month! It hasn't been done in over a year!

Welp, gotta get a good night's sleep so I can gear up for, uh, THE EXPEDITION.
Don't expect a post about being probed by aliens with MDs.

PS: the last thing I Google searched was: "who is the Gerber baby?"
Pretty interesting story. I liked it. (literally.. not like on Facebook)
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Things I hope she'll miss when I'm gone.

I left something on the mirror this morning, and Bren confronted me with a very great question.
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cat treats

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Monday, April 18, 2011


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I went to orientation for SLCC today.
It was something.

I walked in 5 minutes late and they were all out of catalogs... and this skinny sporty blonde girl who couldn't make eye contact with me didn't help.
I stood at the front of the classroom and searched for an empty seat. Everyone there just stared at me. Like I was some kind of spectacle.
I wasn't even wearing the snakes.
I scurried out into the hall where I preyed on a chair in the ED NET classroom. I rolled it in, avoiding the dead fish stares from everyone.
I spoke. Words came out of my mouth. Like, sorry, and 'scuse me, and ....can I just..? sorry..
as I maneuvered my chair to an empty stretch of computer desk.
The girl in front of me came with her mother. She smelled nice, kind of like Irish Spring.
I thought it was a more masculine smell, but I wasn't complaining.
She was LDS. She had a green pen from Institute just like mine. I thought she might have stolen it from me, but then her CTR ring flashed right in my eye.
I wondered if I ever looked LDS to people. Do people look at me and think, "Ah, she's LDS. I know this because she looks artsy but doesn't have tattoos or extra peircings. They might be under her clothes, but she has a lot of clothes on.. so she's modest.."
Do they look at my hand and think, "Oh, it's on the wedding finger. It looks different but I bet she's married"
I think I look young.
I am young... so that explains that...
Orientation was almost dreadful. I'm kind of an overachiever. I mean, I've already looked through the catalog online... and all we did was go over the catalog.
Fifteen minutes in I got a phone call.
It's great that I instinctively put my phone on vibrate... cause
would have been extremely awkward to deal with.
I hit Decline.
Or Reject.. I forget what it is. DENY. IGNORE. ah..
It was an unknown number.
They left a message.
I knew it was Zion's calling to schedule a job interview.
As soon as it was over I scored a catalog and listened to my voicemail.
Sure enough, it was Martina. Just like Bishop said.

I hit redial and she answered. I was very confident and cheerful and sounded normal. This is good, you can't really practice something like that. (I practice it all the time. I practiced the benediction all sacrament meeting and I still sounded... messy)
My interview is for this Thursday. I'm really excited. I've always thought it would be silly to be poor and work at the bank.
You can look but you can't touch.
One of the questions on the application asked about my simple math skills.
YES. I'm great at math.
but math in front of people?
"Oh, you want $120 of this to go in your savings account and $80 with you now? Let's see that's $20, $40, $60, $80, $100, $120, $140, $160... wait... hold on, lemme start over.."
eyeroll. toe tap.
The worst is when they help you.
I've worked the register and when customers pay in nearly exact change, it kills me.
They wrinkle their brow as I tap my calculator frantically.. wipe the sweat off my upper lip and avoid eye contact. maybe chuckle. nervously. they interrupt-- "twenty-seven cents. a quarter and two pennies"
"yes. right. is that? yes. sorry about that, I'm a little tired today.."

Something I forgot to mention about Orientation...
When I went to kindergarten orientation my mom held my hand.
When I went to middle school orientation my mom went with me.
When I went to high school orientation my mom dropped me off.
When I went to college orientation I WENT ALONE (art school was different, i'm talking about today here)

I looked around that room this afternoon and thought,
"MAN. Maybe I'd have somewhere to sit if everyone LEFT THEIR MOM AT HOME"
I just wanted to scream at them. LET GO OF YOUR KID. This is college, give up. They don't want you here. Your kid can drive and find the class and put quarters in the stinkin parking meter.
he can. let go.

I watched a boy across the room chew his gum like a cow.
Next to him was his cow mother, chewing the same cow gum.
Their jaws gyrated in unison as their droopy skin hung off their genetically pointy cheekbones.
Her skin was like leather. I thought it was suitably ironic.

I got to my parking spot in time to see something much anticipated.
I'll post the video next.
It's a phenomena we all know occurs, but don't necessarily get to watch happen.

Taylor is sick. Xander coughed on him last night.
Like a good fiancewa I came bearing gifts.
I presented to my darling half a tube of that rancid airborne.
He loves it. Just like peas.

He helped me babysit giant George and Charlie (adorable kids from my home ward I hadn't seen in forever)
and for dinner we had Mac 'n peas. On the side we had sugar snap peas.
He loved it. I had some tums.
That was back when things were hard.

Things are great now:)
We're even on a following-the-rules streak!!

fifty-eight days!!!!

I finished the invitations this morning. I emailed M. from Elegant Wedding Announcements to let her know that my file was 41MB and all three of my email accounts could only send files 25MB big.
She neglected to email back.
I'm crossing my fingers for tomorrow.

It looks so good. and I'm not even being cocky.

I'll probably post it on my photo blog.
and then probably open up my future business to be
cause two photobrilliant photoshopped pictures in less than three months?
DA-ang. now I'm being cocky.

I'm so excited to be married, I just can't stand it!
People ask me if I'm nervous, and the answer is no.
not even a little bit!
I'm marrying my best friend. I couldn't have things any better, really.
Life is just good. and I'm so grateful for it.
I'm grateful for this weather and grateful for all the wonderful opportunities I have to celebrate the wonderful things going on in my life.

I wanna make homemade soft pretzels.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I can't wait for forever!

I noticed this a few moments ago.

I love when he leaves little notes for me:)

The funny part is... he didn't come over today.
So this note has been here well over 24 hours.

I'd say it was perfect timing.
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Thursday, April 7, 2011


Mom was right.

"I just don't know how I'll be able to get everything done that I need to get done, I just get so distracted and lazy and unmotivated, I.."

"You will always find a way to make everything work out. One day you just wake up and you're an adult. You get stuff done and you find a way. Not necessarily cause you want to, you just do."

I love my mom. I'd love to make a paragraph now about how she's always there for me and we do everything together and how we're best friends, but right now she's in San Diego, and I'm in the frigid basement that smells like cat pee.

She did invite me to go, sure, but at the time I had prior commitments to Art Institute and simply couldn't make it.

Which leads me to my next order of business.

I broke up with The Art Institute of Salt Lake City on Monday.

I just walked in there, signed the divorce papers and said,
"I love you. I do. But I don't need you to be great at what I do. It's over"

The past few days have been weeeeird.

Yesterday I woke up and applied for jobs until 5:00. Then I burned dinner, edited 47 engagement pictures Kenia took of Taylor and I, researched envelopes for 2 and a half hours and designed my wedding invitations.

Today I woke up and cleaned my room.
Hahahahaha, just kidding.
But seriously.

I thought, "This task is impossible, how can I change that?"

I turned it into a photo project.

You can watch the video here:
Or here:

After I cleaned I put on a trash bag and took out all three cat litters, showered, and hung out with the fianceswa. (fee-ahn-swah)

One day, you just wake up and you're an adult,


Monday, March 28, 2011

Reality? check.

If you ever wanted to talk to an 18-year old with 27,000 dollars of debt,
I'm your girl.
If you ever wanted to talk to someone with 30,000 dollars of debt... just wait a couple weeks
cause baby this interest is COMPOUNDING.

Today was hard. Part of me wishes I was still in denial so I could actually sleep tonight,
but the other part is glad I'm awake so I can work on it.

Today Taylor looked more stressed and upset than I've ever seen another person look.
My heart literally ached, my whole body trembled, and I LITERALLY looked like a deer in the headlights.

I couldn't even eat a brownie I was so stressed out.

I was so so stuck on what I was sure we couldn't do. It would take us five years to pay off the debt mess we're already in, and forever if I stayed at Ai and continued piling it up.

What do we do?


That's all I knew how to do.

I've never felt so guilty, and selfish, and genuinely frightened as I felt earlier today.

He couldn't even look at me before he left.
"Talk to me.. talk to me"
"I love you"
"say something"
"I love you"
"say something else"
"I love you a lot"
"I have to go"

and tomorrow
I have to go.
I'm driving to Logan to see Paula. Taylor and I left each other on that note.

What am I gonna do?

It's up to me.

I could wallow in my upsettedness and drown in my student debt,
I could remember that I'm incredible.
I'm great at what I do, and I love it.

I can do what I love and get us out of debt. I CAN.
we can.
I know we can do this. I know we need to have a positive attitude to do it, and we need to have faith in the lord. We need to go to the temple and pray about it. We need to figure out how we feel, what we want, how we can do this and be grateful it's not worse. Grateful we're not Japanese.
(not a racist joke... cause Japan sunk or something recently)

I need to believe in me, so that we can believe in us.
So visit my photography page and call me up for a shoot. :)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Loans and Destiny and such.

The other night I layed lie lain lay

I was sprawled out on my bed the other night
pounding out a blog post.

It was beautiful and soulful and great.

I then proceeded to fall asleep on the backspace key and delete the whole thing.

Today things were good... but right now I'm pretty stressed out.
I don't know how much I owe Art Institute, I don't know how much interest I'll have to pay, I don't know when I'll have to start paying, how much I'll have to pay at a time or what's even happening in my life right now.

I just want things to be good. I always just reassure myself and think, "Oh, I'll get to it"
I've been "getting to it" for awhile now, and people are starting to not take me seriously.

I love Taylor so much and I love how smart, realistic, and spiritual he is. I love virtually everything about him. He makes me so happy and I just can't wait for our life together... but I feel like i've been lacking in seriously taking into account how much debt I'm getting us into.
I'm scared.
(and I already went to church)
(that was a way funny rap joke)


I want to figure out where I'll be in five years. I wanna write it down and have something solid to work for.
I wanna reassure myself with my own talents and I wanna amaze people with what I do.

Some people are born to be doctors, some people are born to rescue cats out of burning buildings.
Some people are born to pour their heart and soul into making music and creating beautiful melodies that help the rest of us out (even if the rest of us just download illegal copies of it whenever we want. ruthless, really)
Some people are born to be mediocre,
and I am not one of those people.

I was born to be a photographer.
In my patriarchal blessing it talks about how I will use my certain talents to further the work of genealogy.

How many people have records in the church but no records of what they look like?

No one should have to resort to their driver's license photo for that.

I need to figure out what I'm doing, and I need to take myself seriously.
If I take me seriously, everyone else will.
Taylor will, and he'll understand just how much I'm willing to work to make this work.

I could be the breadwinner. Photography is a great career. I can do this.

It's that quote again, really.

MY greatest fear is not that I'm inadequate, but that I am powerful beyond measure.

I need to believe in me and I need to take a step outside my comfort zone.

I need to stand up for what I know, stand up for myself, and have the confidence to do what I love and earn what I deserve.

I just needed to tell myself all of this.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

the meow game.

I love Novacek. She responds to my lame feline accent.
The first few frames are of my Nutella sandwich with powered sugar. Mmmm:)
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Friday, March 18, 2011


Yesterday I developed a severe distaste for Parker's little friend, "Tay Tay."

Never before have I wanted to wrap my fingers around the throat of a 12-year-old.

School's great. It's final's week next week. Which means I really should be doing my homework right now. Really really. I spent an hour or so at the library this afternoon. It was nice... up until I couldn't even check out my book on tape because apparently $17.50 in fines cancels that privilage.

I deserve it. and now i've learned my lesson.

and it'll never happen again.

I'm kind of poor.

Poor meaning I have money, but I don't feel right spending it.

I need to make a bunch of resumes.
So I can apply for a bunch of jobs. yeeeeshh.

So... there's this lens I want.
It's a Nikon AF-S Nikkor 50mm f/1.4G.

It's an autofocus fixed lens with amaaaaazing bokeh.
It's about $450 before rumors of a student discount...

Mom was like, "Okay, i'll buy it." but she told me to order it NOW when she has money.

Cool. Perfect.

It's out-of-stock.

I've been checking every day and it's still not available.

I need it to take my engagements. and start making my invitations. so we can send 'em next month (or in two weeks)

So that's fun. I'm not way stressed or anything...

I swapped out Franco's fishbowl today for Barksy's old one. I think he likes it a lot. His blue is slowly returning from the fleshy pale he was rocking earlier. He's so fierce. I just love it.

I had biscuits and gravy at Johanna's Kitchen this morning with Kati. I also had a scone, and she had french toast. All of it was very very delicious. Johanna's Kitchen is one of those really delicious restaurants you forget about when you decide to go out.
I highly highly recommend it.

I'm becoming a groupon whore (so to speak)
I have a feeling Taylor and I will be one of those couples that only goes out when we have gift cards and discounts. At least for the first little bit.

Our marriage and family relations/ temple prep classes are amazing. I love going to church with him, and our teachers are wonderful.

Tomorrow we're going to the wedding expo at Thanksgiving Point. Afterwhich we'll be having a 3:00 dinner for Grandpa Park and then promptly coming back here to clean the pantry for... a gracious amount of compensation.

I'm way excited. Maybe, if I stop typing now I'll have time to photograph myself in 8 more situations and get them printed tomorrow night.


Yeah, that's all.

PS: just kidding. I had a dream last night that the moon was swirling around in the sky, and it was huge. It's amazing how much you don't think you know til you master it in a dream- I had my camera on a tripod and I aimed it up at the moon and I noticed the trees were out of focus... So in my dream I manually cranked the aperture down to f/22 and re-positioned my shot. I also dreamed Taylor spent the night next to me, and when he woke up he was shocked and worried and disappointed. Don't have sleepovers with people of the opposite gender if you're not married. It's not okay, and not worth it. Even if you don't do anything. Just no.

PPS: Sarah Lee Soft and Smooth is the softest bread I've ever touched. Seriously, buy it just so you can pet a slice. Especially if you're angry. It soothes you. I swear by it :P

Monday, March 14, 2011

Specimen Pins

Dear Dave DeAustin,

This evening I have plans to type up that four-page research paper on a modern day photographer who uses old-school photographic processes. I have my dude, and I have my music, and I have all my tabs open. I even had all the pie I could, and I switched from contact lenses to glasses.
I'm ready.

So far all I have is the title.

I've been at it for hours.

I just....


Love, Tab

PS: The Kings of Leon are terrible... but that song "Fans" is really really good. My new favorite song is called Bus Stop. It's by Basement Birds.

There's pie stuck in all the cracks on my ring. My cheap one.

David Morrish is way cool. He uses the photogravure processes. I guess that's like coating copper with light sensitive materials, exposing, coating with gelatin, etching, and then making a print off of it. Maybe not quite in that order...

He makes exposures of dead animals frozen in motion.
Locomotive Torpor.

Gross, and incredible.
I love the textures.

I wanna go running so much. I'm kind of excited to hand-tint a photograph also for class tomorrow, but I know it'll be fun, and I have to torture myself with at least half of my essay.

It would be best to pound it out right now,
but it would be easier to wait til tomorrow morning and then hurry and type like crazy tomorrow when I'm all stressed out and shaky.

I love Taylor. He does everything right. And he makes me so happy. He's got a great smile, a great voice, and the best personality.
I've never really been anyone else around him than just me.

I think it's hilarious how on Facebook everyone's always posting things like,
"I'm part of the crowd that actually finishes college and gets a job before getting married. I have my dang head on straight. Ain't that just fine and dandy!!"

If they weren't single, I'm sure they'd have a different opinion. Frankly, I'm stoked out of my mind to be getting married. Sometimes I worry and stress and question my decisions.

That's 3% uneasiness,
and 97% ahhhhi'msoexcitedican'tevenstandit~!!

I'm excited to do our laundry together
(I'll probably actually do it, but our clothes will be together :) )
Go grocery shopping together
Be a coupon-clipping wizard
Wake up beside each other every morning
Go to the temple together
Pay my student loans together
Snuggle up on the couch and watch movies...

I just can't wait. 94 days.

David Morrish is a visual artist with a background in photography and printmaking.....

Sunday, March 13, 2011

This one's not so good

Is it just me,
or is it pretty much always infinitely harder to do something you know you should do?

I discussed flowers today with my cousin, Ashley.
She seemed pretty excited, and confident with what I had decided.
That made me feel better.
Not that I really felt bad or anything.

The cake's gonna cost more than my dress.
It's easy to be drawn to a costco sheet cake... for thirty bucks.

The guest list is a little sketch.
I have friends,
like, facebook friends....
I don't really have a lot of real friends.

I should like people.. but I just

People are a lot of work, and sometimes its just easier to avoid them.
I know I shouldn't feel that way. I shouldn't judge, and I should be more receptive to the beautiful bits of individuality each person in my life has to offer... but..

I love Taylor. I could spend hours with him and not get annoyed or tired.
He carries this positive aura that charges me.

I do like people. I like the knitting community,
and my friends at school,
and my fiancee's family.

I feel older than everyone my age.
Automatically because I assume I'm taking those weird adult steps.
I'm changing.
I honestly love it.
I don't think I'm too young, I don't think I'm too poor, or dependent, or anything.
High school is over, and I feel like a lot of people just don't get it.

I don't know how I feel about keeping a blog.
I know it's good or something.
I don't know.

This post seems forced.

Things are good. Really.
I'm just tired.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


I am confident that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in life.
I have the greatest man I know engaged to me, and things are wonderful.
I am cautious when I say this, but... we have had the greatest luck lately.
He got a job, the wedding planning is going smoothly, our living arrangements are better than we could have possibly hoped for, we still haven't had a single argument, and there's nothing really... wrong. At all.
I just can't begin to describe how absolutely blessed we are.
I feel like when you live your life with a prayer in your heart, and faith in the Lord, he definitely directs you toward the path of greatest happiness. He puts things in the way, challenges, struggles, even blessings, because he knows what's best.

I have a really great fish. I bought him for a photo project, and am really surprised at how entertaining he is.
He's a betta, and I've babysat one before, but mine is very different from that one.
He's blue, cost me a dang fortune, refuses to eat pellets, only bloodworms, and I named him James Franco.
I love watching him eat.
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Saturday, February 26, 2011


I've been having a lot of vivid dreams lately. mostly weird ones where I'm the host of some crooked parasite. last night it took place on a mountainous shelf overlooking the valley. Paula and I were laying on the grass together near a picnic table. I rolled over to get a better view and I saw, laying in a crumpled mess, what looked like the remains of a giant dead grasshopper. I turned my head to adjust my view and I felt something in my hair. I reached into the hollow by my neck and discovered a thick, alien something had attached it's tentacle-like cocoon to my neck. I couldn't see it, only feel it's dense, limp mass dangle into my nest of hair. I remember yelping and begging Paul to tell me what it was. She squirmed as she turned away again announcing that what I had been infected by, was in fact, a spider sac. a giant fleshy egg sac. I began tearing it off in meaty portions, discarding the slimy chunks of tentacle and alabaster spider eggs. hundreds of them. I still couldn't see it, only touch.. I got up and darted to a bathroom with a mirror. there were two cavities on my skin. one at the host site, and the other by my jaw on my face. I discovered that if I pinched around the hole, more boba-sized eggs would pop out. that's pretty much the extent of it. I looked at flowers online today. I want my wedding flowers to be leaves, with succulents, or kale, or diamond dusty miller, or flowering cabbage. earthy tones. then with peacock feathers thrown in to compliment. I want my flowers to be a salad, it turns out. bouquet of broccoli. the crook in my arm is neither itchy or sore, but its driving me completely crazy.
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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Taylor William Park

Do I believe that every person has a soul mate?

not just no, but
heck no.

I believe,
that with work, persistence, and optimism,
any one person
can be another person's person.

I have a person.
and we're getting married.

When your parents tell you,
"Honestly, you end up marrying your best friend"

They're absolutely right.

Taylor Park is my best friend,
and THIS JUNE, he'll be my eternal companion,
my husband,
my other half.

You don't find your soul mate,
You make your soul mate.


I like to think I'm marginally practical.
More so than most.

I like to think I'm mature for my age.

Since this is my first post on my new blog, I feel inclined to explain it a little.

High school is something.
growing up is something else.

Right now? I'm taking on new responsibilities, new tasks, new experiences.

I have a broader perspective, a clearer sight of forever, and eleven diamonds on my finger.

This is for real.

This is a new chapter in my life.
I titled my blog, "Chapter Something"
because firstly, it sounded kinda catchy,
and secondly, I was too lazy to sanction out a bracket of life chunks, and assign each one a number.

I would love to read a blog about things my mom was thinking through each step of her young adult life.
You could say this is for my future children,
who may or may not care,
and who may or may not be red-headed.

Not sure.

Here it goes.


I love Taylor Park.

When you know, you know.

He served a full-time LDS mission,
and I wrote him from the beginning.

Cause I said I would.

Smartest. Move. I've ever made.

Not just because I knew it would put me as automatic default favorite,
and first dating priority when he came home,
but maybe because in each of my letters
I encrypted instructions
for how to win me over.

I went into gruesome detail about all the boys who couldn't read my mind,
all the mistakes I didn't tell them they made,
all the bad habits I let slide,
and all the careless moves they didn't think I saw
that later led me to my daddy's arms in heart-wrenching sobs of self-worthlessness.

He would always say I was the best girl he'd ever met,
and that I always deserved more than I settled for.

He made a point to assure me that greater things would come to pass,
and since the day he stepped off the plane,
he's kept that promise.

Day one: He hugged me at the airport even though he technically wasn't allowed to.
he said, "I've missed you so much." and something changed then.
Day nine: We held hands as he drove us around in his dad's car. We decided to be together, and he kissed me, even though he knew he'd be bad at it. I told him, "We'll work on it ;)"
Day fifty-four: I was having a miserable night, and he came over and just laid by me and scratched my back as we talked about the future. He said, "So.. Is this just for fun, or are we playing for keeps?" We decided then, that we should be married.
Day sixty: We came out on facebook and announced to the world we were engaged to be married.
Day sixty-three: The ring arrived, and he proposed to me in front of the Draper, Utah temple. On his knee and everything.

That's how many days, hours, minutes and seconds til we're sealed for eternity.

I am so blessed.
so grateful,
and so lucky.

Things are the best they've ever been for quite some time.

"I'd write a limerick about her, but not a lot of things rhyme with Draper..."